This post is not about ladybugs.

This particular family friend used to give my dad the same gift every Christmas – a shoebox wrapped in lovely holiday paper (she even individually wrapped the lid and bottom so that it could stay pretty all year) filled with almond roca. I freaking loved that stuff, but of course it was for my dad so I couldn’t have it very often. Usually just on Christmas and other holiday-type occasions that she felt like making it for. It wasn’t often.

After I moved out on my own, I realized I wouldn’t be seeing her as often and therefore would not get to partake in chocolate-toffee-almondy goodness. What followed was natural: I would find out how to make my own.

I found a recipe… somewhere. I don’t even know where I found it. I’ve been making it for about six years, though, and certainly am not straying from this recipe now.

Ingredients

1lb real butter
2 cups granulated white sugar
2 Tbsp light corn syrup
6 Tbsp water
1 cup finely chopped almonds
1 (11.5oz) bag milk or semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

Melt butter in a medium soup pot. While butter is melting, chop up almonds and toast them in a pan. (Alternatively, buy pre-sliced almonds and crush them in the bag before putting them in the bag; really saves time.)

Note: Once the almonds are toasted, I like to put them through a sifter or strainer to remove most of the larger pieces but keep the small bits aside to sprinkle on top at the end. This is totally optional as it is mostly decorative.

Once butter is melted in the pot, add sugar, corn syrup and water. Keep cooking the mixture, stirring constantly until it reaches hard crack temperature and turns the color of a brown paper bag. Remove from heat and stir in the almonds. Transfer to a cookie sheet (with edges) and spread it across the sheet until it is evenly distributed.

Let the candy cool for a few minutes (to harden) and then begin sprinkling chocolate chips across the top. (I like the mini chips; they are easier to distribute and the chips melt faster.)  Use a spatula to spread the chocolate over the surface as the chips melt. Once it is spread out, sprinkle the reserved almond bits across the top. Let cool at room temperature until candy is hardened and chocolate has solidified. It may take up to 12 hours for this to happen. (The candy can be put into the fridge or freezer to help it cool faster, but this will change the texture and may prevent the chocolate from staying solidified at room temperature.)

Some notes:

• I prefer unsalted butter just in general. I doubt this has much impact if any on the candy, but it’s what I use.
• I like the mini chocolate chips because it’s easier to get them spread out over the candy, and as such get a much more even coating of chocolate.
• Humidity is a bitch for this recipe. I’ve ruined more than one batch of candy because I didn’t take the humidity of the day into consideration. This wasn’t as much of a problem in Portland but has been a problem more than once in Cleveland.

I love this recipe. I usually only make it when I know I can share it with others, otherwise I end up eating a lot of candy in a short period of time. Not so good on the waistline. It has gone over very well at more than one potluck at work, and it makes a nice gift during the holidays.

Calorie content? Hell if I know. I’m not sure I want to know right now. If I did the work to figure it out, I might never make this candy again. Where’s the fun in that?

Ingredients

1 lb ground turkey (alternatively: ground beef or stewing beef cut into bite-size pieces)
2 cans kidney beans (light and dark together give it a nice color texture)
2 bell peppers, large dice
1 large onion, large dice
2 cans diced tomatoes
1 cup frozen corn
3 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper (or to taste)
1 tsp ground cumin

Directions

1. Cook ground turkey. Set aside.
2. Sautee chopped onion and pepper in the pan with the beef drippings. Drain pan.
3. Combine kidney beans, diced tomatoes, corn, cooked veggies, meat and spices in a large pot. Bring mixture to a gentle boil, then turn the temperature down to low/medium-low to simmer. The longer it simmers, the more flavor the chili will have.

Note: If the chili looks too thick after it is initially combined, water or stock can be added to thin it. It will continue to thicken as it simmers.

Serves 8.

My dad always serves cornbread with his. I’ve made mine and served pieces of french bread with it, that’s good as well. Most of the time I eat it with a bit of cheese mixed in and a dollop of sour cream, no bread necessary.  A serving of the chili is about 250 calories, which is not so unreasonable, considering the serving size is approximately 1.5 cups. It’s a very decent amount of food for a meal!

In reality, this is probably nothing like my dad’s chili. It certainly didn’t taste the same as the chili I had last time I visited my dad. The thing with this chili is that it changes. I’ve yet to make the exact same chili twice, and I’m sure he hasn’t either. Any modifications that you fancy making to the recipe would be perfectly fitting with the spirit and history of this chili. Go to town, and I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I have.

1 lb ground turkey
2 cans kidney beans (Kuner’s no salt added)
2 bell peppers, large dice
1 large onion, large dice
2 cans diced tomatoes (Hunt’s no salt added)
1 cup frozen corn
3 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper (or to taste)
1 tsp ground cumin

So this week, after Johnathan got a little fussy at me about wanting to buy even more yarn, I decided to destash a little. I gave away all of the Simply Soft yarn that I’ll never use (two pinks and a purple; liked the purple but can’t ever see myself wearing that particular color myself, and I can’t keep giving Allison only purple things!), and some red heart that I bought thinking I could swatch with it, only to realize that I hate knitting with it, and my proof of concept wasn’t going to look the same on it anyway. I still have some Plymouth Encore for two aborted Harry Potter scarves that’s free to anyone who wants it for the cost of shipping. (In other words, you pay what it cost to ship, and you get the yarn!)

I also committed myself to finishing the things that I have in progress. I had a bag that I was working on that I finished knitting last night. It needs to be washed, blocked, lined and have the handles sewn on still, but the knitting is done. Today I finished a cowl that I started in January and set aside because I needed my big crochet hook to fix some stitches and didn’t have it with me at the time. It came home and sat on the table next to the couch for three months. I fixed the stitches, knitted the five remaining rows, and even learned a new bind off!

Next up: The other flip-top mitten for Johnathan, started in November and postponed because I didn’t feel like knitting the second one yet. Sadly, the pattern was semi-improvised, so I will have to try very hard to recreate it, almost six months later. But, it’s the next project I have committed myself to making, and make it I will! After that, I have another fingerless glove to make, again with an improvised pattern, this time for myself. I finished the first and cast on for the second, but set it aside when I got sick in the fall and never finished it. So, two gloves to make. There’s also the Selbu hat that I started, even got halfway through making, but later realized was going to be way, way too small for me. I ripped it out and haven’t had the patience to start again. I will be starting that after the other two, and then I will have no WIPs left!

As far as my queue goes? I have another Retro-Style Knitting Bag, this time in Harbor instead of Pomegranate,  to make for myself, Grove mittens in Saffron, Space Invaders socks for Johnathan, two more robots for Johnathan’s birthday present (incidentally, his birthday is today! Happy birthday, Johnathan!), a scarf for my brother (that I’m going to design) in Forest Heather, and a test-knit that I’ve committed myself to make by June 1 in Queen Anne. Plus a lot of other stuff that’s on the list and that I have the yarn for but which isn’t so immediate.

I’m glad I’ve committed myself to getting these WIPs done. I want to knit all these other things, so if I finish the WIPs that have been languishing, I can start on the new things that I want with  reduced guilt. That is ALWAYS A+.

Alright, back to knitting.

We got married in September 2008 with Johnathan’s biological parents (step-parent was conspicuously absent), and my parents and step-parents, as well as Allison, said best friend. That was our “guest list.” Even now, I feel like it wasn’t about us, or even really for us. It was for them. Is that wrong? Maybe. Weddings are supposed to be about the couple coming together with friends and family to celebrate a new chapter in their lives.

Part of the problem with my perception of this day is probably that I don’t feel like it started a new chapter. No magical change came over us and changed our relationship. We didn’t behave any differently than we had before we got married, and I certainly didn’t feel any different. The only real change is that now people sit there and call me “Mrs.” and coo at me when they realize we’ve been married a “short” enough time to still be called newlyweds. Thankfully, I no longer get asked incessantly when we’re planning to reproduce, but these seem to be the things that define marriage.

We have no printed photos of that day. My step-dad took some pictures, my dad and step-mom did, and so did Johnathan’s mom. I’ve seen a fair number of the pictures – even had some of them emailed to me, but I have really very little interest in having them printed and put into our apartment to “show off.” It was just another day along the road to me. I think I’ll be more likely to post a photo of us when we finish our first 5K (which we’re planning to do, when we’re physically able!), when I graduate from college, or of us on some vacation. Those memories seem like they’ll mean more than the day we got married.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t value our marriage. I love Johnathan, and our relationship is very important to me. It doesn’t define me, but it is a very important part of my life. I fully believe that we would enjoy the same relationship as we have now, even if we hadn’t gotten married. It’s just financially beneficial to get married, not to mention that it simplifies things legally if one of us should ever get seriously hurt or sick. It also helps to show others that this is a serious relationship. A lot of people see even long-term live-in relationships as transient, not lasting. So I suppose us getting married is as much for the lack of hassle as it is for the financial benefit and legal simplification.

I read so much about the drama associated with weddings. They seem to bring out the worst in people – all people involved, sometimes. They can be beautiful and lavish, but I often hear more people complain about the process leading up to the wedding, about the day of, and then about the clean-up and catch-up afterward than I hear people praising their wedding day. Most brides claim not to have eaten all day and many say they can barely remember the day at all. So what’s the appeal? It holds none for me, though I’m sure some can find the silver lining in all the trouble and possible drama. I know weddings don’t have to be any of that, but the sheer number of weddings that are exactly that helped me feel more comfortable in our decision.

So, our wedding wasn’t dramatic or meticulously planned. We didn’t get any spectacular photos out of the day. I didn’t even really want it, though it was nice to get our parents together, even if they may never see one another again, and it was nice to see my family, if only for a short period of time. And I was glad when they went home, too. We got married without the pomp and circumstance. If I had it to do all over again, I’m not totally sure I would, but I would definitely still get married. I don’t regret that at all. It’s interesting to think about how my perception of that day which is supposed to have been so monumental for us has changed in just a year and a half, and how it hasn’t. I think our marriage and relationship are good. I don’t think that a wedding is my cup of tea.

Oh well. At least we’ll never need to do it again!

Day 7 started with The Baby Formula, a Canadian “mockumentary”-style saga about a lesbian couple’s journey into dual-motherhood as they both become pregnant through ground-breaking technology which allows sperm to be created from their stem cells, thereby allowing their children to truly be of their own flesh and blood. The concept of the birth was very interesting – especially that the two could only have female children. It wasn’t something that would have occurred to me. I liked the film a lot. It gave me a bit of baby mania, but that went away, as it always does. I thought the film was very interesting, and it certainly got me thinking.

Once we got out of that one, we headed to the food court where Johnathan’s mom was waiting for us. As far as I know, she’d never gone to anything at the film festival before, so it was a new experience for her. We got something to eat, then walked her to the ticket holder lines. Johnathan stayed with her while I staked out some seats in the theater for Three Days with the Family. As far as a first experience goes, I don’t think it was the best one. The film seemed to lack plot and any driving force behind it. There was a lot that went unsaid and unexplained, and maybe I was too dense to get it, but I felt like if this was Maria’s only experience with the festival, it would not have been positive. I think that was what bothered me the most.  The characters were undeveloped and too much was left unstated for it to be a satisfying film experience.

We were seeing Chameleon next, and there wasn’t a lot of time to dawdle. We walked Johnathan’s mom to the line, and then repeated the process from the previous film. I found seats, and Johnathan joined me not long after since the ticket-holder line was getting pretty long. The film was pretty good! It was a little bit suspenseful, a little funny, a little thrilling and overall pretty entertaining. It was a film about a con-man’s latest swindle. It was interesting to watch his plan progress and see what truly can happen when someone very good at what he does loses sight of his goal and gets distracted by something else. (In this case: love.) I think it redeemed the film festival for Johnathan’s mom, so even though she didn’t see any more at the 34th CIFF, maybe she’ll come back and see some next year.

We had a reasonable break after that one, so we sauntered up to Hospitality Headquarters for a while and enjoyed some snacks. The next film we saw was The Girl on the Train, which was… disappointing. I could see how it had the potential to be very interesting, but the main character had a very low affect and very little range of emotion. That made it hard to identify with her or even develop any level of feeling for her. By the end of the film, I really just wanted to smack her. It wasn’t a very good way to end our day at the festival. We had originally planned to stay for Small Crime, but had opted against it, owing to our bad experience with last year’s Greek film, and given that we’d seen two not-so-great movies already, we just went home.

The next day started with Best of Times – a change from our original schedule. We stayed home and slept in instead of getting up at 8AM and going in to see the 11AM round of films. It threw off the whole day, but I don’t regret not going to the first film. It didn’t really interest me. Best of Times was charming and sweet with a hint of bittersweet. It was from Thailand and the way the story unfolded was paced well, and the characters were developed enough for the audience to want them to succeed. The ending was realistic – not like many romantic dramas tend to be in American cinema. I quite enjoyed it and felt it was an excellent start to our film day.

The next originally was to have been The Last Days of Emma Blank, but we swapped it for another showing on Saturday and instead saw Small Crime after hearing that it was pretty good. I don’t regret making that move, either. Small Crime turned out to be interesting and engaging, if a bit slow to develop. The story was interesting and didn’t unfold too quickly. I was afraid it would end up being too predictable, but as more and more elements were added to the story of small-town drama, the possible endings changed and the story did not end at all as I had expected. I was glad we re-arranged our schedule to fit that back in.

We had originally planned to see Mrs. Moscowitz and the Cats, but after talking with some folks before Small Crime who hadn’t heard good things about it, we changed to The Last Train Home, which had also been on one of our lists. I kind of wish we hadn’t changed. It was a documentary about the mass migration in China for the new year. It focused on one family throughout, and while it was interesting from a familial standpoint, I thought it would address the trials and hardships involved with parents having to go to big cities to work and leaving their families behind a little bit more. Instead, it really seemed to focus on the unique hardships of one specific family, and it didn’t do anything to analyze it or even tell the audience exactly how it impacted their lives. It was just shots of the family talking, traveling, things they were doing. I wasn’t overly impressed with it. I was just expecting more from it, I think.

Afterward, we had some downtime in the Hospitality Headquarters, where I had to admit that I hadn’t loved The Last Train Home to the lady who we had been talking to (who had also seen it at the same time). The last film of the day was a Slovenian film called A Call Girl. It was about a college student in Slovenia who starts to work as a call girl so that she can afford the “finer” things in life, while simultaneously avoiding her other financial responsibilities and letting her schoolwork suffer. She runs into a number of difficulties – some pimps who want to “protect” her, an ex-boyfriend hell-bent on exposing her, and pursuit from the government and the press after her peripheral involvement with a German diplomat’s death. It was an interesting story and interesting to see how her life spiraled out of her control largely because of her own decisions. I thought the film was interesting. Once again – very slow to develop. I’m sure my patience for slow development got shorter as the week wore on, but I think a lot of the films rely too much on filler shots of walking instead of engaging story developments. Then it was time to go home. Day 8 began and ended on a high note.

The first film of day 9 was Protektor, a film set during WWII in Czechoslovakia. It was interesting stylistically, but I found the characters lacking. I’m not sure if I was missing something, but it seemed to lack some cohesion. I still found the style to be very interesting, and the muted colors helped to set the tone for the film, even if the plot didn’t do much to sustain it. Overall, I wasn’t terribly impressed with it.

Next was Father and Guns. This was a French Canadian comedy about a father and son who both work for the police force and have to go undercover as, well, father and son. This was probably our most interesting film festival experience. First, they had trouble with the screen – the curtains wouldn’t widen out. We all noticed that the start of the film was most certainly not in either French or English. It was in Russian. It didn’t take very long for people to figure out that they were trying to show us Hipsters! But it seems they didn’t notice, because when the snafu with the curtains was fixed, they started it again. We got partway into the first scene before the film was stopped. I mean, I really liked Hipsters, but that wasn’t what we were there to see! After another delay while they rewound the film and threaded the right one, we got started on Father and Guns. Not five minutes into it, the film melted. It melted! At that point, we were a solid half an hour delayed, so I was already suspecting we’d miss the next round. No matter, though. Father and Guns was Johnathan’s pick, but I ended up really enjoying it. It was subtitled well so that I forgot they were speaking French and not English because it was so smooth. The film had a humor in the same spirit as Hot Fuzz but with less of the gory violence. From start to finish, I really enjoyed it. It would be one I could see owning on DVD.

Sure enough, when we got out of Father and Guns, we had about one minute to get to the other side of the cinemas into the theater for Convention. We ended up having to skip it, because we were hungry and needed a bathroom break. So we went upstairs to the Hospitality Headquarters and sat for a while. While we were up there, we encountered someone that Johnathan compares to a certain group of roller coaster fanatics. He was going on about films and how he “knows” people and can put him (the gentleman he was accosting) in touch with all the right people to get his film promoted well. He probably went on for fifteen to twenty minutes while we discreetly watched with amusement. He finally left to catch the film that was starting last in the round, and the gentleman moved to the table on the other side of us, nearer to an outlet to plug in his laptop. It was then that we found out that he was the executive producer of Ivory, which we had scheduled for our last round that day. He talked to us about the film festival and how many films we’d seen, then talked a little about his film. We had been discussing skipping it earlier in the day, but after talking to him, I sort of felt obligated to see it. He kind of struck me like a lost puppy. He didn’t totally seem to know what was going on around him, but he was very friendly! We spent the break between films redoing our weekend schedule to oust some films that we weren’t sure why they made it on the list and to add some films that we hadn’t even planned on seeing to begin with. Then it was time to go down for another film.

I Am Love looked interesting on paper. It was another film where the plot seemed meant to focus on relationships, and unfortunately, it wasn’t very well developed. Tilda Swinton was beautiful, as usual, but her character was bland. The only character that seemed to have any depth at all died near the end of the film. Well, that sucked! It wasn’t a horrible movie, but I think Johnathan might have fallen asleep during, and I know I had a few moments where I drifted a bit. It just wasn’t as good as I expected it to be. Once again, I expected more.

Since we promised the executive producer that we would, we went to see Ivory. I figured I’d be interested in it – I’ve been in music basically my whole life, and I’m aspiring to be a classical musician professionally (someday). It seemed right up my alley. Johnathan also understands, having also been in music for much of his life. The film started, and not a full ten minutes into it, I was sick of hearing about how famous and amazing the main character’s grandfather had been. Who cares, man? You’re you and he’s him. You can’t ride his coattails to success. Then his “friend”, who really seemed more like he was meant to be one of those “frenemy” things, was a really flat character, and really only came across as a jerk. The girl was, meh, okay, but boring. And the other characters were just… there. Not even worth mentioning. After 45 minutes of wankery, we walked out. I couldn’t take it anymore, particularly after the main character, a pianist aspiring for big fame, dismissed Mozart as insignificant. Oh no you didn’t. Mozart is one of my favorite composers, and while I get that Brahms was his, it seemed like a crutch, and honestly – who would do that? It seemed to be a means of showing how much he knew about classical music, but it really only showed a lack of understanding. I wanted to scream. I was offended by the portrayal of all the musicians and by the implication of the movie that unless you’re pursuing the big dreams, the big fame, you’re not a true musician. My big goals in life revolve around a position in a city opera – and not even the Met! Does that make me less of a musician? I don’t fucking think so. Then, of course, the statements about music teachers, which I suspect is the “conflict” that the main character is meant to get over by the end of the film. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stand to sit there for another long, painful hour to find out exactly how the prick with no personality fared at the Liszt competition. Sorry, guys. I don’t think anyone in the process of the film actually went to Oberlin for music. If they did, I’d like to know who the fuck they were in classes with, because that’s not a wide cross-section of musicians in my experience! As you can see, I’m still steaming about the film a little bit. The older folks, apparently, really loved the film, though the executive producer said that we were its target audience. You’re way off the mark here, I think. Sorry guy. After fuming our way home, we sat together and tuned Johnathan’s guitar. Then it was time to go to bed and call an end to day 9.

After totally rearranging our schedule for the weekend, I honestly went through the day not knowing what the heck we were seeing next, with the exception of a few films. The first on Saturday (day 10) was Will Not Stop There. It was a film from Croatia and Serbia. I know very little about that area and its politics, which made some of the understanding of the film a little bit difficult. It wasn’t a big enough part of the film to stunt the understanding completely, though. I thought the film was a little bit quirky and kind of sweet. It wasn’t amazing or life-changing, but it was pretty good. It wasn’t a total waste of time, which by that point in the festival I viewed as a major plus.

The next film was Serbian and Albanian. The correlation of the two films was totally unintended. Honeymoons seemed like a good idea on paper, but Johnathan most definitely fell asleep during, and frankly, I don’t blame him. The film didn’t have a lot to drive it, and it spent a long time working up to the conflict and climax, which then happened and “resolved” in about ten minutes total, it seemed like. That, in combination with some folks talking created a not-so-pleasant situation. We left the film feeling disappointed at another “dud”.

Afterward, we had just enough time to get a refill on our pop and take a pit stop, then we were on our way to see Storage, which Johnathan had picked up. The film was a definite thriller dealing with murder and crime. It was a very interesting experience for me. I don’t do very well with graphic violence in film, and this one had it in spades. About halfway through, I started feeling a little sick to my stomach and thought that maybe I should leave the theater. I wanted to see how it ended, though, and I thought that it might be good for me to try and tough it out rather than run away from it. Well, afterward, I realized that I should have left the theater. It didn’t get any better and I certainly didn’t feel any better by the end. It was an exciting move and had quite a few unexpected plot twists to keep the audience on edge. There was even a scream from an audience member at an unexpected moment. Johnathan came out of the film raving about it. I think it took me a full five minutes to calm down enough that I could say anything about it. Despite the horrible feelings I was experiencing, I still gave the film a 3 out of 4 rating. It seems really odd in retrospect to do that, given how badly I was feeling, but I still think it was a good movie, even if I don’t handle films like that very well. We went up to the hospitality headquarters after that, and I downed a beer in near record time while I tried to calm down from the nausea I was still experiencing. I know Johnathan felt bad about choosing that film, but I still maintain that any of my discomfort was based solely on my own willingness to stay in the theater rather than leave. I’m glad he liked it, and I think I learned something from it: LEAVE if you’re made that uncomfortable! I’ll remember that for the next time I might happen to end up in the theater for a terrifying film.

Next was My Year Without Sex. I couldn’t honestly remember what the film was about, except that it was about, well, someone’s year without sex. It was an Australian film, which brought our coincidences that day to two (Storage was also out of Australia). The film was sweet and funny and a little bit heartbreaking. In many ways, it was just like any other family comedy, but in others, it got me thinking. Mostly, it got me thinking about faith (or lack thereof) and about what would happen if I died now. It reminded me that we have to create wills and living wills. I enjoyed the film – and I think I enjoyed it even more because it helped bring me back from the desolation and horror I felt after Storage.

The last film of the day was The Last Days of Emma Blank, which we had moved to Saturday in order to accommodate Small Crime. The only word I can really use to describe it is… weird. It was really weird. It was funny, but incredibly, indescribably weird. It was puzzling for a while, because we, as the audience, didn’t know why the family was acquiescing to Emma’s demands without much complaint or resistance until close to the end of the film. Really, the film was very interesting and it had a few unexpected twists and turns of plot that kept me engaged and interesting through the end, in addition to the delightful weirdness which I thoroughly enjoyed. I know others in the theater probably didn’t like it as much as I did, but oh – did I love it. I was pleased that the night didn’t end with a whimper.

Sunday, the last day of the festival, started out kind of slowly. We were both very tired, but I wanted to see some of the films we had scheduled for the day (well, all of them, really). The first was Mid-August Lunch, about a man caring for his elderly mother, when he is put upon to care for the elderly mothers of others in his acquaintance. The weekend for them moves forward sometimes painfully slowly as the group of ladies adjust to one another and to the new environment. It was a sweet film, but not overly engaging for its length. I felt like it needed more conflict to drive it. Perhaps I was becoming blase about the films at this point, but I did enjoy it. I just didn’t love it.

The next was another almost immediate turn-around to get in to the film on time. It was The Enemy, out of Venezuela. The subtitling on this film was a bit annoying because not everything was translated, in particular the text at the very end of the film. I have no idea what they were trying to tell me because nobody bothered to put it into English for those of us not able to speak Spanish. I found The Enemy to be quite engaging and interesting. It explored the idea of good versus evil and how easily those lines can blur, even where one might think they were very clear. Johnathan didn’t like it as much, but I thought it was an interesting concept. It was about twenty minutes longer than it absolutely needed to be, though, and that contributed to my increasing boredom by the end of the film. I’m sensing a trend with myself that I would rather have a shorter film than artistic shots. Oh well.

Splinters was our next film. It was not on either of our lists, but in trying to find a film for that block so that we wouldn’t end up sitting around for a couple of hours while waiting for our closing film, I checked out what was available. This one seemed very interesting on paper. It was from Poland, and I was interested to hear how much the language sounded similar to German in spots. The film was divided into three parts, which seemed like it might work in theory, but it seemed to stop the film where it might have flowed seamlessly from one part to the next with clever editing. I wasn’t thrilled with the film, but I was even less thrilled by the talking going on around us. The woman two seats down from me was a chatterbox, and then there was the couple in the row behind us, and the large group at the other end of our row, and then the elderly couples in the row in front of us. Seriously, one would think that by day 11 of the film festival, people would have known not to talk! It can totally ruin the experience for everyone else. Thankfully, that was the worst talking experience we had for the whole festival.

The next (and final) film we saw was Paper Man. After a final sojourn in the Hospitality Headquarters, we headed in and got seats near the back. I forgot about the bucket for change, and I never have any cash on me anyway, so we had nothing to contribute to the final push for the challenge match. The film was interesting. The concept of imaginary friends is interesting to me, since I never had one myself. (I think my brother was a pretty good playmate, so there was no need for an imaginary friend!) It was interesting to see the concept explored of a relationship with a man and a teenage girl that didn’t have to be lewd or inappropriate, but more like a father-daughter relationship, which clearly both of them craved. It was sweet and a little bit sad. I’m pretty sure when it gets wide release, it will get an R rating. It’s probably merited. I wouldn’t have dealt with it very well as a kid, that’s for sure. It’s not a “kid” movie.

We ended up not staying for the closing reception because, as previously mentioned, we were both quite tired, and considering ours was the last film to get out in that final round of films, we never would have been able to see anything. We chose, instead, to leave and get some dinner. We stopped at Applebee’s and rather than standing around straining to see and possibly to hear, we sat in the comfort of the restaurant, enjoyed tall beers and watched the twitter feed for the award winners and the final numbers.

With 71,500 people visiting the festival this year, we could feel that it was more crowded on some days, particularly in the evenings, than last year. Since we had passes, we didn’t have to worry about getting into any films, only about whether we would be able to get decent seats that weren’t in the very front of the theater. We got free beer several times, and enjoyed free food for most of the festival in addition to what the food court had to offer. We weren’t the best when it came to eating (and I can feel the water retention because of all the sodium we ate this last week), but I feel like we had a good week nevertheless. Now it’s time to get back to real life – work, cleaning the apartment, exercise and errands. CIFF is over for another year. I’m already looking forward to next year.

1. It’s not as hard as I had it worked up to be in my head. I made a scarf to learn cables, and quickly learned to love them. I made a neck warmer to learn how to do herringbone stitch and did a practice swatch of what appears to be daisy stitch (according to some – elsewhere called a diagonal knot stitch). I’ve learned how to cast on in the middle of a project, create stitches where once there weren’t any, do a gusset for the thumb of a mitten… I know there are a lot of techniques that I have yet to explore, and I look forward to learning them as I go. No beginner projects for me – I’m learning new techniques by doing them.
2. Hobbies can get expensive, and knitting is no exception. There are some really gorgeous colorways out there, some handspun, some themed to interesting things (like Harry Potter themed yarns among other things), and lots of them incredibly expensive. I’ve found a happy spot where I get good yardage for my dollar, but yarns that aren’t scratchy and inflexible (like the Red Heart Superwash tends to be in my still limited experience). I do have to keep reminding myself that while it’s nice that some knitters can afford to spend upwards of $50 on one hank of yarn, I just can’t do that and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to the point where I will.
3. Elitism is everywhere. It’s there in all aspects of life and especially in each and every hobby or interest I’ve pursued. I haven’t found anything yet that was free of it. There are some knitters who refuse to use anything but natural fibers, or even better, handspun natural fibers (which can get very expensive) and are fairly vocal about those who use anything man-made. Others swing the other direction and are fairly judgmental of those who don’t use man-made fibers. It’s inevitable that this would happen. It’s not a very nice thing to witness, but I think I’m getting better at blocking out the elitism.

I’m really enjoying knitting things up. I stayed up late on Saturday night to finish the mitten, and it was absolutely amazing to see how it ended up shaped like a mitten, without any truly complicated techniques. As far as finished objects go, here’s what I have:

• Sharfik for Allison: Nine feet and one inch of scarf pre-fringe. -faint- It took me just under three weeks to actually finish the scarf, mostly because I think I was losing motivation for it. Scarves take a long time. There’s no real sense of reward when it’s done becasue it takes so darn long to finish. I still need to attach the fringe, but I was waiting for it to dry after washing it. I should do that soon since she’s visiting this weekend. [Pattern]
  
• Coffee Cozies [1] [2]: Johnathan got coffee pretty much every day at his old job (he started his new (old?) one today, yay!), and I figured that since he wasn’t taking his own mug to get the coffee, it was ending up being pretty unfriendly to the environment. I had about half a skein (give or take) of yarn left over from the scarf that I made for his mom’s birthday, so I figured, why not make a coffee cozy? Can’t be hard, right? I made the first one in the same woven cable pattern that the scarf I made his mom used. I seamed it up very badly, and put a pretty button on it. Where the seam is, the cozy gets pretty bulky, so I’m a little disappointed with how it came out. The second one was much better. It was a herringbone stitch pattern (which I had just made a neckwarmer out of – more on that to come), and it knitted up just as quickly as the first one, but because the edges were more straight I had an easier time seaming it. I seamed it up while watching an episode of chopped, left off any buttons and called it done. It is less loose than the first one because I made it just a little bit undersized, to let it stretch. So, all in all, #2 was much better than #1. I still have probably a quarter or more of a skein of that blue yarn, so I figure I’ll make some more, unless I can figure out something else to make with it. Any ideas? It was nice making these, though, because I didn’t use any patterns for them, so I felt kind of original in doing it. (Even if both stitch patterns came from another pattern that I originally followed.)
  
• Herringbone Neckwarmer: I’ve had this pattern bookmarked for a long time. It was one of those “someday…” projects that I had no idea when I’d be able to actually make it. I bought yarn with my birthday money from Johnathan’s mom, and had no reason, at that point, not to make it. I started it on Tuesday night, and by Thursday night, it was totally finished, including buttons and buttonholes. The buttonholes were an interesting part for me. The pattern calls for binding off, then picking up and knitting fifteen stitches with doubled yarn. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to make it work the way the pattern called for it to work, so ultimately I ignored the instructions. I looked up how to make a one-row buttonhole, and worked it into the pattern instead. It turned out pretty well! The buttonholes were a little bit big, so the buttons don’t like to stay put, but I figure I’d rather sew them smaller than have to un-knit and redo the buttonholes because the buttons won’t fit through. I really like how the neckwarmer turned out. Now I just have to wait four more months until it’s cool enough outside to actually require it! Aw, man… [Pattern]
  
• Mary Sue’s Bella’s Mittens: I am not a Twilight fan. I read the book last year and more than once wanted to throw the book through a window. It’s horrible. However, when I saw a picture of a pair of look-alike mittens that a friend on LJ made, I couldn’t help myself. I was in love! These mittens are great. They’re long, which I like, and have a neat horseshoe cable going up the top side. I started the first one on Friday night, after acquiring a longer cable needle so that I could do the magic loop to make the mitten. It took me a few hours on Friday night to make most of the cuff, then a few hours spent on Saturday got me the rest of the way finished with the mitten. Unfortunately, I stayed up until 3:30AM to finish it, because I just wanted to see it completed. As such, I didn’t get much sleep, so didn’t knit at all yesterday. As of this moment, I have exactly twenty of the requisite forty-three stitches cast on for the second mitten, so today’s looking like a knitting bust, too. Maybe this is second sock syndrom, but for mittens? I’m not sure. Either way, I’m really happy with how it turned out. I just need to finish the second one now. [Pattern]
  

Before I started my mitten, I also threaded beads for and cast on for an Odessa hat (another pattern I’ve had my eye on for quite a while), so that’s “in progress”as well. Coming up, I have plans to make a couple of pairs of socks (my first self-made socks!), a couple of things for my mom for Chirstmas, a couple of things for a friend who is moving to a colder climate at the end of the year, and a pair of Space Invaders socks for Johnathan (don’t worry, he already knows about them!). I should have plenty of projects to keep me busy until I find a new job. (Hopefully longer than that, too!)

My only real wish is that I could subsist on knitting commissions. I have exactly one so far, and that one won’t start until finances are in the right place for her, so I’m not sure when I’ll need to start on that. I’m excited to do it, though! So, uh, want something knitted? I’ll do it for you! If you pay me, of course.

Let’s see: Johnathan and I signed the lease on a new apartment in mid-September. We painted two of the three rooms that we planned to paint before we ran out of time and interest in painting for the time being. We still plan to paint our bedroom, but we’ve got to unpack first. The living room, which was planned to be a nice, soft gold color, is more like a pumpkin. It’s not what I was hoping for, but it’s still nice, and I think it makes the room very cozy. The bedroom was supposed to be a rich blue, which… well, it’s definitely rich. It’s also bold. So bold that the room seems to glow in regular daylight. When we have the soft desk lamp on, though, it’s much tamer and it’s a very nice color. I’m now hesitant to see how our bedroom will turn out. It is supposed to be a kind of mocha color, nice rich brown. I’m hoping it won’t turn too dark, although I think it will still be okay even if it does. It’s just a little worrisome that we’re 0 for 2 on intended paint colors. We like both of them anyway, though, so maybe it’s not so bad.

We also had to pack up the old apartment and move everything to the new apartment. The packing part started out really well. I was cataloging everything so that we’d know where every one of our possessions was. I got about ten boxes put into the spreadsheet, then just gave up. With everything going on and working full time on top of it, there was just no way that I was going to have time to deal with trying to log everything at the same time. We got the bulk of our stuff to our new place before my family got into town, but at that point, everything started to fall apart for the moving business.

My dad showed up on Saturday while I was at work. They drove out from Portland and took a week doing it, but I had no idea when they were going to get to the Cleveland area. It was a bit of a surprise for me. Johnathan and I went over to their hotel room after I got off of work and hung out for a while. Some things never really change, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

On Sunday, we went out for lunch at Red Robin with my dad and his family 2.0, and then my dad and my older half-sister came to our new apartment and we shot the breeze for a little while. Allison arrived while my dad and half-sister were still at the apartment, so there was more chatting as well as some perusal of Veggie Tales videos on youtube before they left. In the interest of my dad’s sanity, I lent them some DVDs so that he would no longer have to watch the same four over and over on the trip back. I’m sure they were just as tired of the new ones as the old ones by the time they took the trip back across the country with the two little girls.

That evening, Allison, Johnathan and I had what we called a Bachelor/ette party. I got to wear a sparkly crown that announced my “bachelorette”-ness, a bright red boa and attempt to use straws with little penises on them to drink beer. (I think that was the strange part.) We had some Harvest Moon and some Woodchuck, which Johnathan and I insisted on calling Chipmunk. We played Disney Scene-It, and Allison and I tied throughout half the game. We must have had at least ten tie-breakers, and at least one tie-breaker to break a tie from a tie-breaker. I still won, though! My record is still nearly perfect. Whoo!

The next day, we waited for my mom to come into town. We watched The Devil Wears Prada (hooray for cable!) and Dan in Real Life. Both are excellent movies. My mom didn’t get in until about 5PM, though we were originally expecting her to be up to the Cleveland area by about noon. They got lost on the way up from Cincinatti, apparently. We went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, which was very yummy. I’d never been there before. My mom and Allison and I were going to go shopping at some point, but after such a long drive up, my mom wasn’t up for it, so Johnathan, Allison and I trekked over to Avenue. I got a lovely jacket, a nice shirt and a very nice sweater, as well as some jewelry to wear while we got married. I so infrequently wear jewelry that I didn’t actually own any to wear. Now I do! Hurray! Afterwards, we went back to the apartment, Allison and Johnathan had a bit of alcohol (I opted for pop instead), and we watched Bernstein’s Candide. I do love that operetta so!

In the morning, I woke up way too early, as is my habit whenever I have a deadline. I was showered and pretty much ready to go by about 8:30, when we didn’t have our appointment until 11AM at the courthouse. Johnathan ran out for breakfast and coffee, and we hung out and watched HGTV until it was time to go. We were planning to get there early, and left even earlier than originally planned, getting there just before 10:30. Almost everyone else arrived just after we did, so we weren’t hanging around doing nothing. There were lots of pictures taken, none of which I’m interested in sharing at this time (maybe later!), and lots of semi-awkward family interactions as two divorced couples tried to make nice for our day. Nobody was rude or even slightly terse to anyone else, so I’d say it was a roaring success. The judge was running very behind, so even though we were there plenty early, our 11AM appointment turned into an 11:45 ceremony. The ceremony itself was short and sweet, with very little religion injected into it and not much outside of the vows themselves. It was perfect. We had a few pictures, and more hugs than I ever like to give in one day, and then we all headed to Buca di Beppo for lunch. Lunch was good, excepting that the families made things needlessly complicated by insisting that we split the checks. It was a good lunch, even if we had to look at a bust of the very creepy pope the entire time! Afterward, Johnathan and I left for the Red Maple Inn, and we holed a way for a few days. We had fairly good food, wine, cheese and a fair amount of scrabble playing. The vacation wasn’t as relaxing as it might have been due to the fact that we had a ton of stuff left to do when we got back.

The day we left the Inn, we went straight to the DMV BMV so that I could get my Ohio license with my new name on it. I called a bunch of places and got my name changed that day. We got new car insurance and purchased renter’s insurance (finally). We did very little else that day because once I was done jockeying with the phone, I was exhausted.

The rest of that weekend involved a lot of packing, cleaning, moving, more cleaning, some unpacking, and even more cleaning. We cleaned that old apartment from top to bottom. Every cabinet was wiped out. The stove was scrubbed until my fingers almost bled. The fridge scrubbed out, the carpets scrubbed and steam cleaned. We’re convinced we left that apartment in better shape than it was in when we moved in October of last year. It felt pretty good. Let me tell you, though, those late nights getting it that way were brutal. By the time I went back to work on Monday and Tuesday, I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation! I still do, actually. We’ve been very, very slowly unpacking the new apartment. We should be doing more to get it unpacked, but by the time we both get home from work, neither of us is very interested in doing anything involving cleaning or tidying up, let me tell you. Especially with the added distraction of having cable television at home now, it makes it really hard to get motivated to do anything some days. I’d rather just veg out!

We’re finally back on track with our groceries, now that most of the kitchen is unpacked. We cooked for the first time in the new apartment this last week. We’ve made chili (a hacked up version of my dad’s recipe), mishmash pasta (or velcro pasta, however you like), and beef stroganoff. We used our brand new, empire red Kitchenaid Artisan Series Stand Mixer yesterday for the first time, too! We mixed pizza dough in it. It was gratuitous use of the stand mixer, but we’re totally okay with that. Imagining all the things that will be made in it in the months to come makes me very happy. Pies, cakes, cupcakes, cookies, breads… mmmm! Between the mixer that Johnathan’s mom gifted us with and the cookware that my mom gifted us with, cooking, even in our miniscule kitchen, is a dream.

So, that’s where we’re at after a long month of moving, packing, family, getting married and other assorted life chores. How’s everyone else?

At 11AM on the 23rd of September, we’re going down to the local courthouse and getting married in a succinct civil ceremony while all of our parents and my best friend look on. We’re going to go to lunch at a nifty Italian restaurant afterward, then out to a bed and breakfast in the boonies (incidentally, it’s the one we got engaged at over a year ago). We’ll be at the bed and breakfast for two nights, which will be very lovely, and I’m looking forward to it a lot. Then it’s back home for some packing.

Why packing? Because as of October 1, our lease at our brand new apartment begins! We’ll be painting soon, which I’m very excited about, and then we’ll start officially moving in about mid-September. This place is a little bit smaller than where we’re at now, but in a good way, as far as I’m concerned. There will be less dead space in the room and since there will be less space overall, we’ll have to keep things a little bit neater. We’re both notorious clutterbugs, though I’d wager I’m a little bit worse than Johnathan is.

Fall is just around the corner, and I couldn’t be more excited about the prospect of things. Life is pretty good! I love this time of year so much, and a lot is happening for us. Hopefully 2008 will continue and finish out on a high note where it came in on a low one.

In other news, it has been approximately one month now since we had a new addition to our little family, and unfortunately both Johnathan and I have been remiss in introducing her! No, it isn’t a baby; it’s a kitty! We were in PetCo to get some new toys for Beethoven and were both waylaid by a set of kennels in the front of the store. There were five kitties being housed up there, most of whom were two years in age or older. There was one six-month-old kitten, but he was antisocial so he never stood a chance at making us adopt him. Of all the cats there, a sweet little calico by the name of Karli caught both our attention and essentially demanded that we take her home and love her. It’s kind of hard to resist a kitty who is purring at you from inside a kennel, I can tell you that much. After much hemming and hawing and one store clerk who didn’t seem to quite know what steps were involved in an adoption of that sort, we took her home.

Neither of us really fancied the name Karli. I probably wouldn’t use that name for anything at all, let alone naming a cat with it. By the time we got home, Karli had a new name that we both loved: Pixel. She immediately began exploring the apartment, much to the incredible dismay of Beethoven and Isabella. It was a rough few weeks while the cats adjusted to having a new sister at home, but now we’re experiencing mostly calm. Isabella still growls low at her and gives her a wide berth when passing by, but she and Beethoven seem to be on almost friendly terms now, and it’s very clear that she wants to be friends with him. I’m glad to see that our new little girl is adjusting so well, as are our original babies. I can’t imagine not having Pixel around now. She is a very loving and affectionate cat, and she really loves being with her people. Given the chance, she would sleep on the middle of our rather small bed, touching both of us. Given her preference, she would be underneath the blanket, tickling us with her long whiskers as well. I can’t imagine being without her now.

In January, I went back to Scattergood MOO for the first time in probably almost a year. I went back at just the right time, it seems like, because when I did, I met Johnathan and after a series of really unusual conversational circumstances, we started talking quite a bit. My mom and I went to see The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee at the Keller theater. I loved it.

In February, I went to Kansas with my stepmother and my two half-sisters to see my dad. It ended up being a trip to see the inside of hotel rooms while I worked on homework and my dad lavished attention on the two little girls. I was the babysitter, they were the daughters. I came back sicker than I’ve been in years because my stepmother had the forethought and consideration to take two sick little girls on an airplane trip and expect someone who was not their mother to wipe snotty noses, change diapers and generally play mommy for the weekend. I do not have fond memories of the weekend. That month, Johnathan and I calculated that we logged approximately fourteen hours on Skype.

In March, I broke up with Jimmy, who was my boyfriend at the time. It was a long time coming and I think I put it off far longer than I should have out of fear and uncertainty. It had been over for probably six months already at that point. In late March, I flew out to Ohio for the first time to spend a few days with Johnathan. The trip was planned on a lark, but it ended up being one of the better vacations that I can remember.

In April, I was still in Ohio. We went to New York City and it was the first time for both of us. I met some of the original cast of The Drowsy Chaperone (which sadly closed on December 30 after a year and a half on Broadway), we rode the Cyclone at Coney Island and the Wonder Wheel in Astroland. We saw Avenue Q. It was a wonderful day, and let us both know that we travel and vacation well together. I went home to Oregon and took classes up again, only to have to drop them about a week later in order to move back in with my mom. My mom and I went to see The Light in the Piazza at the Keller theater. In late April, I started work at Comcast.

In May, I did very little outside of work at Comcast. My time was spent packing, cleaning, talking to Johnathan on Skype and on Gtalk, and working. It was in May that we decided that October would be the ideal month to move. I saw Chicago at the Keller theater with my mom.

In June, Johnathan came to visit me for my birthday. I turned 22 and we had a cozy few days. He explored Portland all on his own and discovered that it is nearly impossible to get lost as long as you can get to a bus or a train. We had dinner at Gustav’s, one of my favorite German restaurants and wandered down 23rd street, taking a detour into Moonstruck chocolates. Pear truffles are to die for. My brother, my mom and I saw Spamalot at the Keller theater.

In July, I worked. I did little else outside of work. I packed boxes and kept working toward the cleanliness of my room. I got very sick toward the end of the month and had to take time off of work for the first time. Johnathan and I created Bits of Existence and I revived The Golden Road for the second time.

In August, I went back to Ohio to visit Johnathan again. We stayed at a bed and breakfast in Amish country and it was there that we got engaged. We toured a two-bedroom apartment on the first floor of the same building he was already living in, and by the end of the month, Johnathan had secured it for us to move in on October 1. At the end of August, I began shipping boxes of my things to Ohio. I bought a new car – a 2003 Chevy Malibu – and traded in the Jeep Wrangler that I had driven for five years.

In September, I continued to pack and clean, and by mid-September, I had cleared out all of my things and shipped everything that I knew I could live without for the rest of the month. I began to clean up the bedroom and pack the things that would go into my car. I purchased cat carriers, had the cats checked up at the vet – Beethoven was 19lbs and Isabella was 12lbs at last weigh-in: proof that my cats are fat! – and finished up most of the final preparations for the move.

In October, Johnathan flew out to Portland. We had lunch at Todai and spent the afternoon finishing up final preparations for the move. We played Mario Party 8 on the Wii with my family and at 5AM the following morning, we drove out of Portland. After three days of driving – during one of which we spent 21 hours traveling – we arrived in Ohio. Three days later, I was fully unpacked. The job hunt began in full force. I had one interview which came to nothing but continued to search. I met Johnathan’s dad for the first time.

In November, I met Johnathan’s stepmother for the first time. Allison and her brother stayed with us for a weekend and were the first overnight company we had. I met Johnathan’s friend Matt from Iowa who now lives in Pennsylvania. We had Thanksgiving dinner on the Saturday after Thanksgiving with his mom. I continue the very discouraging job hunt.

In December, I continued the job hunt. I had an interview at Borders which came to nothing. I had lunch alone with Johnathan’s mom for the first time. We decided that we were definitely getting married in April of 2008. A bunch of friends of mine from livejournal, namely Hogwarts_Elite at livejournal, sent me a large package of Christmas decorations, candies and other Christmas-themed goodies. Allison sent a small artificial tree and we had Christmas decor in the apartment where we had feared monetary limitations would prevent our being able to have any. We spent Christmas day partially at his mom’s house. We had lunch there and I ate homemade pirogies for the first time. We spent the evening at home, hanging out and playing video games together. On Christmas Eve day, we picked out engagement rings and ordered them. New Year’s Eve was spent playing video games, eating Chinese food, drinking a wonderful Riesling and some French sparkling wine. We rang in the new year by drinking wine and watching Toy Story 2.

And here we are. We have twelve months ahead of us, just waiting to be filled with memories. Overall, I would say 2007 was a good year. I found a man I love very much, someone with whom I have a great deal in common. I found new interests and continued to cultivate old interests. I made the biggest move I’ve ever made without my family and am now living farther from my family than I ever have in my life. I learned a lot, I grew up some, and I’m generally happier now than I was a year ago.

My resolution for next year? As Johnathan would say: to suck a little bit less this year than I did last year.

I wish everyone a happy new year, and I hope nobody got so smashed last night that they don’t remember what happened to them.

Last weekend, my friend Allison and her brother stayed with us over the weekend. Allison drove in on Thursday night and her brother came in on the early early train on Friday morning. He left on the earlier early train on Sunday morning, and then on Monday morning, Allison drove out to Connecticut to stay with a cousin or a friend or somebody else that isn’t us. It was fun having them here, though immediately after, Johnathan and I both got a bit sick due to the very little sleep we got. This Saturday, Johnathan’s friend Matt stopped in on his way to eastern Pennsylvania and crashed on our couch for the night. Then on Sunday night, Allison stopped through on her way back to Southern Indiana. It’s been a bit of a busy week. It doesn’t seem like much really, but I’m not good at that kind of thing. It was a lot of fun having them here, but immediately after, I feel like I have to recuperate. It’s an awful time to realize that in some ways, I’m exactly like my dad. I’m not sure when it happened that I became so bad at the social thing. When did I get so anxious in situations where I don’t know many people, and why?

At any rate, Johnathan and I have both been terribly, terribly negligent with posting, which is probably because we don’t do much. I’m finding that except for things inside our apartment, on a tight budget there isn’t much of anything to do. Everything interesting involves a fair drive, really. There’s nothing in our area to do right now except maybe see a movie. It’s… not something I’m used to, but at the same time, I’ve spent most of my time hanging out at home even when I lived in Portland, so maybe it’s just that I don’t know what to do. Johnathan seems to be much at a loss, too, though, so perhaps not. Right now, we’re playing The Sims 2 fairly heavily and working our way through Kingdom Hearts 2 together. It’s really fun to play it together, really. I’m really enjoying it.

There’s really nothing else going on. We’re still cooking together fairly frequently, keeping the apartment mostly in order, although having company changes that because I don’t want to spend my time picking everything up; it seems rude to spend so much time cleaning while they’re there, and then simultaneously telling them no, don’t worry about it, just relax.

There are times here that I really don’t like it. The apartment is wonderful and so is Johnathan, but Ohio is sometimes maddening. People are idiots when they drive, and it seems like everyone is in a perpetually grumpy mood. Saying hello to someone or even smiling and letting them go first into a doorway seems to be a novelty here. Saying, “Oh, gosh, I’m sorry!” when you accidentally bump into someone is also a novelty. Best I’ve gotten is a mumbled “‘scuse me” and even that was disappointing. I’m afraid that the longer I spend here, the more like that I’ll become. I don’t want to be sour and apathetic. I think most of my frustration with living here is that it’s different than what I’m used to, and I read somewhere that it’s very common to have high stress after a move. I can’t remember where I read that, though, so maybe it’s a load of crap.

At any rate, we’re here, we’re alive, and we’re doing just fine.

Since I left their house, it has been a tug of war – sometimes them making more of the effort for contact, sometimes me. Usually I was left frustrated and upset by the visits and made the conscious decision to keep my distance, particularly after going with my stepmother and half sisters on a trip to see my dad in Kansas, where he was stationed for training before his deployment. I was treated as the babysitter. After we parted ways at the airport, there was no further contact between them and me, aside from the occasional mass email that goes out to anyone my stepmother has ever emailed. This is despite promises that when she was preparing for her second visit out to see him she would call me so that we could make preparations accordingly. Apparently I am a subpar babysitter, as they chose to take a friend’s son, aged about fifteen, passing my brother and myself completely.

On August 21, early in the morning, I emailed both of them about Johnathan’s and my engagement. After such rapturous congratulations from all the other parents involved, I was hopeful that despite our recent period of no contact, there would be a reconciliation of sorts, if only for a little while. Apparently I was misguided in my hopes and thoughts.

Here we sit on September 17, three weeks and six days since I sent the very carefully crafted email, and there has been no response. Not a single word from either of them. I had planned to resend the email, under the reasoning that there was a possibility that they had not received the email, or perhaps not checked it since the time I last emailed. This afternoon, I found myself a recipient of another of my stepmother’s mass emails. In it is a message forwarded from my dad, dated September 16. Clearly they are checking their email. Since the email also includes tales of the video chats between my father and his new family, it is obvious that it is also not the first time he has had web access since that date.

I am resolved not to try with them anymore. It causes me stress and frustration, and ultimately, disappointment. If they do not care enough to respond to what could easily be considered the biggest event of my life to date, then I do not care to try to include them anymore. This is the end. It hurts tremendously to do this, considering one is my own flesh and blood and the other a sort of make-shift second mother, but I can see no other way out of this situation that would allow me to retain my sanity. So, the end of an era. It’s time for the rest of my life.

Johnathan and I have talked about our families before. I can’t get his family straight yet, which is probably just fine, considering I certainly can’t expect him to be able to keep mine straight now, if ever. We have discussed children before, and I get to thinking, every now and then, about how many relatives those children will have. You see, where Johnathan has no siblings, much fewer aunts and uncles and only one grandparent, even with his step-mother involved, I have… more than that. I have eight – eight – living grandparents, four parents who are all still quite young, all of whom have many siblings. My mom has at least four – there are step-siblings involved; I’ve never been able to quite figure it out – my dad has five living, my step-mother has  six, and I believe my step-dad has three, though I’ve never met any of them. Most of them are married and have children. I have more cousins than I’ve ever met, one brother and two half-sisters. My poor, poor future children. I feel bad for them already, and I’m not even ready to have them!

What was the point of this? No point, really. I’m just marveling at the wonders of second families and how convoluted families can get when you take four large families and squash them together.