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Friday, June 4, 2010
Finding Balance
I want to be a person who cares. Someone who challenges social norms that don’t make any sense in the current era. Someone who refuses to conform for conformity’s sake. This is something that I struggle with constantly. There are times when I feel like I’m succeeding, only to realize that I’ve swung so far the other way that I’ve ceased to do anyone – myself included – any good. It’s hard to want to be socially responsible when surrounded by people who are happy to subscribe to double-standards and stereotypes and who see nothing wrong with that.
And then sometimes, I just want to not care anymore. I want to be that person who doesn’t think too hard about anything, and who can take everything at simple face value. I want to give in to belief in stereotypes and become one myself. I want to believe that the world really is as simplistic as other people would like it to seem, that everything and everyone can be neatly categorized and that people work in specific behavior patterns, regardless of upbringing and societal influence.
It’s a hard line to walk sometimes. I get so frustrated with the world sometimes over things that I have no way of changing, and that’s when I swing back toward the urge not to care. Ultimately, I know I can’t just stop caring. I can’t unlearn the things I’ve learned, and I certainly can’t change myself to the point of being willing to ignore such big social issues. So where in this is the balance? I have a really hard time finding it. I don’t want to stop caring, that’s for certain, but how do I find that level where I’m caring enough, but not too much?
I don’t know. It’s something to think about. I feel I have a social responsibility to stand up to stereotypes and social double-standards, but it’s not easy to walk that path, and it’s not easy to stay rational, sometimes, while doing it. It is too easy to swing too far in one direction or the other, either shunning all responsibility and giving in to social mindlessness, or caring too much and trying to govern the thoughts and actions of others.
For now, I will have to settle for not knowing where that happy middle is. I will continue to challenge the ideas of those around me while also trying to challenge my own ideas as often as possible, checking and re-checking my beliefs for truth and conviction. And I’m probably going to be damn confused while I do it for a long time. I suppose that’s normal.
I’m learning that social responsibility is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of courage to really stand up for something – even the typical gender stereotypes that are so easily believed. I have a goal in mind and I think it will take a long time before I find out where I’m supposed to stand in the “scheme” of things when it comes to responsibly defying social norms in favor of what is right.
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