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Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Feminism Defined
The other day on Ravelry, I was reading threads and came across one where a lady was accosted on the bus and accused of undermining feminism by choosing to knit. She was told that she should stop knitting and therefore enslaving herself to men. Which, honestly, no matter how you look at it, is a total misrepresentation of basic feminism. The person who posted the message was, understandably, completely flabbergasted at the interaction, and so were many ravelers. What this woman viewed as feminism was definitely not what I would call feminism, at its root.
The interaction got me thinking (and talking) about what feminism means. I have heard a lot of people refuse to identify themselves as feminists, usually while enjoying the freedoms that feminism has awarded us over the years: voting, working at whatever we like, heck – wearing pants! So why not identify as a feminist? It seems that the people who refuse to identify as feminists are misunderstanding the message behind feminism. They believe that it is about women dominating, about women being on top instead of men. This type of feminism tends to be very ugly. It is often about hating and reviling men, about insulting them and proclaiming (frequently) how women are so much better. This is not feminism as I know it. I’m not even sure what to call it that isn’t insulting to anyone. But it sure as heck isn’t feminism.
Feminism, to me, is the idea of perfect equality. It is the idea that women and men can have equal opportunities that have nothing to do with their gender. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t matter what our chromosomal makeup was, but rather what our skills are when it comes to finding a job. It wouldn’t matter what we look like – we’d just be people. Male, female, whatever we identify as – doesn’t matter. I’m a person and you’re a person and the rest is just details. That’s the ideal, and it’s one that I don’t expect to see in my lifetime, although I will continue to hope for it.
The trouble that’s easy to run into with any “wave” or form of feminism is that the message is easily distorted. Some have distorted the message in such a way as to believe that in order to be equal to men, we must act like men. So, we wear trousers and act gruff and aggressive, and because of sexism which has persisted through the years, these women who act masculine are ridiculed for it, especially if they find successful careers in doing it. And by changing themselves in such a way, they have taken a step back in for the feminist cause. They have confirmed that to be successful, one must be male, or at least behave in the way that males are expected to behave. A woman, therefore, cannot succeed unless she sheds all that is feminine about herself. It is a very discouraging outlook. The ones who try to retain their femininity are often looked over as being too soft. Any woman who wants to have a family as well as work is ridiculed and likely to be left behind her male counterparts because in some way or another, she is expected to balance the demands of work with the demands of home, whereas men are expected to ignore the demands of home. If you ask me, this is a disservice in expectations for both sides.
Men and women both suffer while we are unable to find a fairness and equality that is sustainable. Men are expected to behave in a certain way, to want certain things. And these things usually do not include the pursuits of home. I don’t know any stay-at-home dads, but I’m sure if I did I would know that they were ridiculed by others who believe that they are doing something that is somehow considered unnatural. It’s okay to expect a woman to stay at home to care for home and children, but if a man were to want that for himself, he would be considered a freak. A woman who doesn’t somehow want that very existence is too masculine. If she wants pursuits outside of the home, she is doing a disservice to her family and causing the ruination of society. But if she does want to stay home, she is an empty-headed drone who doesn’t do any real work. There is no winning situation here that I can find.
Feminism is not about deciding that one group of people is better than another. That is the complete reverse of the purpose of feminism. Feminism began as a movement to give women equal standing in the government and social life. It was intended, not to put men down, but to lift women up. It was not to make everyone the same, but to make our differences less of a factor in decision-making and in the distribution of legal and social rights. Feminism is then, to me, the basic rights of all people to have the same thing as everyone else. It has less to do with women being better than men and more to do with women wanting a voice in government and the right to work if they want. Men should have the right not to have a traditional career if that is what they want. Should, of course, being the key. It is not the generally accepted way of life yet.
I suppose what I’m getting at is that I think there are people out there who totally don’t get it. Feminism is not about avoiding things that have previously been considered tasks or jobs that women did. It’s not about one gender being better than another. It isn’t about what we wear or how we act. It’s simply about our equality as human beings. Not pursuing a hobby or career because women used to do it is completely missing the point and is really taking a step back as far as equality goes.
Feminism goes far beyond the simplicity of gender equality (which isn’t so simple at all). It extends to careers, hobbies, interests, preferences, politics… it’s about being willing to accept that people don’t always fit into prescribed roles, and that’s okay. It’s definitely about accepting that hobbies and interests and politics are not governed by gender. It’s absolutely about an open-mindedness that allows us to understand that not everyone’s life experience will even come close to our own. It’s about being allowed to be whoever we want to be and not be ridiculed or denied rights for it. In reality, the term feminism means a lot more than “women’s rights” or voting equality or workplace equality or any number of other things that feminism has had to actively campaign for in the past.
I identify proudly as a feminist. I will continue to knit because I enjoy it. I will continue to read books branded as “girly”, not because they are for girls but because I think they are good books. I will continue to watch the so-termed chick flicks because I like them. It has nothing to do with my gender, and it doesn’t make me in any way inferior to the man or woman who happens to enjoy slapstick humor and action movies and shoot-’em-up video games. We are, at our core, the same. We are human. We just like different things. That’s cool with me. You let me like what I like, I’ll let you like what you like, and we’ll all get along better for it.
Feminism shouldn’t ever be about hating anyone else. It should be about acceptance and ultimately about understanding that there are people who do and like different things than we do. Feminism is love, open-mindedness, acceptance and absolute equality.
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